I Miss Him...

Today as I was disinfecting the groceries I brought home, I felt like I was about to crack. My phone was beeping with several text messages and it was just too much for me at the time. I rarely feel this way and today was probably the worst ever in my life. I felt like running away, asking to be released from being RS President, ignoring my extended family. But I knew there was a better answer. I went to my room, knelt down in prayer and poured my heart to Heavenly Father. I asked Him to bless me with patience, wisdom, long-suffering, love and to take that feeling away from me. I also asked Him to bless my extended family with love and compassion for each other. Have I ever mentioned the power of prayer? It works. It's like a dark cloud disappeared and what I'm seeing is exactly what I asked.
Dad came to live with me in Texas on March 10, 2020. That was the first very hard decision I had to make. I knew it would change my life and my family's and it was going to be hard. I also knew that I'd be breaking my younger sister's heart (he was living with her), and I didn't want that. But I knew I had to bring dad here. My other sisters gave me full support.
Taking care of him was the most special privilege I've ever had. My home became sacred. I didn't feel alone as I took care of him (was my mom with me?) He couldn't do much for himself and was almost like an infant. I changed his diapers, gave him showers, fed him, gave him medications seven times a day, took him to doctor appointments almost every day, gave him attention. It seems hard, but the burden felt light. He often apologized to me for giving me so much work, but it didn't feel that way. I always replied, "dad, you took care of me when I was little, now it's my turn to take care of you. You're my baby now." He would smile at that and whenever he needed something, he would say, "because I'm your baby". I tucked him in bed every night, gave him a kiss on the head and prayed with him. Those moments were so special. He would tell me he loved me and that I was a very good daughter and that he was very grateful for all I was doing. I'd leave his room holding back tears as I knew those moments wouldn't last long.
I was very hopeful dad would become healthy again. I had faith the surgeon would remove the tumor in his sigmoid colon and possibly liver (he had a tumor there too, but it ended up being too dangerous to remove) and he'd come home. I had plans to take him to the gym to do water aerobics, to walk with him outside everyday, to help him become so strong that he wouldn't need much help from me anymore. But Heavenly Father had other plans. When I was waiting for him in the hospital during his first surgery, I had two sacred dreams. I won't say what they were, but they told me two things, first, that my mom was with him. Second, that whatever happened to him, live or die, that it'd be his choice. Dad was recovering well in the hospital, but then he had a rupture in another part of his intestines (the small intestines this time). He went in for emergency surgery. It went well, but dad couldn't really recover from it. His vitals declined fast. I couldn't be with him at the hospital because of COVID-19. This made it super hard for me and my sisters. I took him his Facebook portal (camera device) to him and the nurses would let us see and talk to him. But after the second surgery, he never got conscious to talk.
The night before April 9th, I couldn't sleep. I had the feeling that dad was about to pass away. I prayed all night and asked Heavenly Father to let him know that he could go in peace, that we would all be ok and we wanted him to rest. I also promised him I'd help a person that he was very worried about. It was a hard night. At 4am, the hospital called and told me that dad was already brain dead and to go be with him as soon as I could. They said that it was best to turn off the machines ad let him go in peace. I called his surgeon and asked him if he thought that was best too. He told me the same thing, that there was no turning back or leaving the hospital. He wouldn't live.  He was brain dead. Marco drove me there, but they didn't let him in, just me. Dad looked peaceful and had no signs of struggle. He was sleeping very peacefully. I hugged him, kissed him and said my goodbyes. Then I called each sister through Facetime and let them say their goodbyes. This took a long time. I wasn't able to get hold of them right away. When it was close to seven, I told the nurse that he was ready. They turned off the ventilator at 7:07 am and dad was pronounced dead at 7:14am. It was very hard. I felt alone and I struggled to lose him.
Today it's been exactly two weeks. Last week, on Wednesday, we had his funeral. It was in Utah. We got unified as a family and made a beautiful ceremony through video. The apostle, Elder Soares, gave a a beautiful talk at the end (he's a friend of our family). I felt a lot of peace and reassurance that dad really liked it.
It's been hard. I miss him a lot. I've received a lot of love from family and friends though. I've gotten flowers, cards, messages in chalk in my driveway, dinners, texts, treats... I'm very grateful for so much love. It's helping me immensely! I know he's in a better place and is happy with my mom.

After praying this afternoon, I feel renewed. I can keep dealing with the challenges that arise everyday. "I can do all things in Christ, which strengtheneth me."

Michael

My baby boy's birthday is this week and he came home for the weekend to celebrate with us. Miss him so much already.

Julianna's Art

Julianna competed in VASA again this year with two pieces of digital art. She's so talented!

Valentine's Day

Marco left me a little surprise all week leading to V-Day. It was so sweet!

I made him a special picnic with Chateau Loin Roast, Asparagus, Greek salad, smoked cheese, garlic stuffed olives, lemonade and a chocolate-macademia dessert. They were all Keto-friendly (he's been doing Keto for his health). We ate at Zube's park and it was just awesome (we even used a mini heater to keep us warm on that cold day).

To end the night, we did a painting class together and had so much fun. :-)

February 13th

Ate lunch with Jack in school today. He was very excited I brought him a ham and cheese sandwich with mayo from Subway (his favorite). It was Spirit Shop day in school and he was also very excited I gave him $5 to shop. It was so much fun spending time with my little guy!

Church Ball

It was Raphael's first dance! He said he danced with six girls, four of whom he found out while dancing that they were juniors or seniors in high school. Haha. He danced with two girls from our ward too. Look how handsome he looks. I had fun shopping with him for his suit and shoes.
 He just became a Teacher in the Priesthood. Raphael is an amazing boy. He's thoughtful, helpful, super smart, handsome and I feel like he's my rock. I can count on him for anything, anytime.

Julianna also went. She looked so beautiful!! I did her hair and makeup. Right when I started, I grabbed the hot curling iron by the wrong end and burned two of my fingers. It hurt a lot! But I couldn't give up and couldn't wait so they wouldn't be late. I took turns curling a section of hair and holding my fingers under cold water. I ignored the pain and finished her hair (although crying seemed like a better idea). She said a prayer for me to feel better and I did. Her faith is amazing. Julianna is so special and kind. I'm so lucky to have her as a daughter. She's beautiful in every way!

I love all my kids so much!

Katy Half 2020

I've done this race ever since their first year. This year was my worst time (3:24:24). I have some serious work to do before the next one. This might be the motivation I needed to work on a few things - be consistent and patient with an eating plan so I can lose weight, do speed work and find a new running buddy that will train for the same race with me. My goal is to finish this race in 2:50 next year (my PR is 2:53) and I believe I can do it. Let's see what I can do in a year!
Overall, I still had a fun race. I had some great music going (Pandora - Dance) and I met a dear friend who I hadn't seen in a while. The medal was amazing and I love the shirts I got.

Tuesday

Jack had the GT Showcase on Tuesday. We arrived 10 minutes before it ended. It was a major mom fail (I feel so guilty). He had time to present it to me though. His project was on seizures. 

Julianna and Raphael did a panting class for youth acitivity at church. They painted trees and really enjoyed it.

Neighborhood Chili Cookoff

My awesome neighbors make a chili cookoff and baking contest every year. This year I got third place with my chili, which made me really proud. I had no idea I even had a chance as the men in my street are very competitive.

Now the baking contest is another story. I wanted to win again. But I didn't. Boohoo. The winners desserts were really great and definitely deserved to win. I have to step up my game next time!

I made Cinnamon Roll Cookies. It was my first time making them. Aren't they cute? They were fun to make and decorate.

My Testimony of Joseph Smith

As asked by my dear prophet, President Nelson, I've been focusing on learning about the church restoration and getting a stronger testimony on it. A few years ago, I decided that I needed to know for myself if the restoration was true. I fasted and prayed about it and my testimony got a lot stronger. I know with all my heart that Joseph Smith was called by God to restore the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and that the Book of Mormon is true. This book has changed my life and has brought me closer to God than any other book. I'm so grateful for Joseph Smith and all he went through so I could have the church in my life today. 

My Relief Society has been doing a 21-Day Challenge of the Restoration and yesterday we were asked to listen to "Joseph's Smith's First Prayer" and think about what stands out to us. This song is so sacred to me. When I was a teenager, President Monson came to talk to the members in Rio de Janeiro. I was part of a regional choir and one of the songs was "Joseph Smith's First Prayer." I remember I felt the spirit so strongly. It was the first time this song really touched me.

Our Little Garden

Jack has been "a little bit" difficult lately. So I've been trying to spend more interactive time with him. Today we started a little garden. We visited his school garden to get ideas and then came home to plant seeds in 27 different containers. We planted carrots, tomatoes, sweet peppers, basil, cilantro, parsley and two different types of lettuce. Let's just hope my black thumb magically turns green.


School garden...

He's been going to the swings everyday lately

Our garden

I'm Back...

It's been so long I don't write and I really miss it. I love going back to old posts and seeing what our life was like. So I'm going to try to write more often and post more pictures, especially because our family and friends tell me they'd like to get more news from us.

Life has been a little chaotic. I've been serving as my ward's Relief Society President for a little over a year now. Currently I'm also taking a Self-Reliance 12-week course in "Finding a Better Job." I'm thinking abut going back to work. Last year I did something a little crazy. My son Michael told me that if I took a Pharmacy Tech exam (PTCB) by December and passed, that I'd be a certified Pharmacy Technician without taking classes. In January this would change and I'd be required to go to school. So in November I signed up for the test and bought a textbook. I studied for a few hours everyday and took the test the same day as Michael, but he took it in Dallas and I in Houston. We both passed!

The Phoenix Marathon 2/24/2018

The day looked perfect. Weather was 38F at the start and 52F at the end with low humidity. The course looked faster than my first marathon's and my training went much better this time. I had high hopes of a big personal record. The race finish time limit was six hours and I was going for that, although I knew it would be challenging (super slow, I know, but fast for me). I should probably mention that I'm not a competitive person and I don't mind being last in a race - actually, I WAS the last person to finish my marathon last year and I was very happy.

I made a plan for this marathon, but I learned later it was not a good one. When I heard the limit was six hours, I assumed I would have six hours of a planned route, safety, hydration, cheer... and I packed my Camelback with 1.5 L of Nuun in case I couldn't finish in six hours and had to do the rest on my own. I was ok with that. My plan was to run at 13:10 the first three miles and then use the porta-potty at mile three, since I have to use it at every race and it would be a few miles until the next ones. Then I would walk-run miles 4-6 to save my legs, because that was the hilliest part of the course. Then I would run the rest of the way to drop my pace to 13:45 so I could finish in six hours. This is something I improved a lot in this marathon's training. I used to run 2:1 intervals, but with hard work and an awesome coach (thank you, Steve!), I was able to cut intervals off completely. I thought my plan was good and it was working in the beginning. Everything was exactly according to plan until I was at almost six miles. By then, a police car approached me and a few other people and said that we were very behind and we had to go run on the sidewalk from that moment on. I thought, "No problem, I'll catch up just fine," (my pace was 14:15 at that point, after the porta-potty and walking the hills, which was better than I thought). The cop told me that in order to stay in the race I had to be in front of his car, and I told him that I could do it in a couple miles the most. I started running faster and was dropping time fast, getting close to 13:45, but I couldn't see the police car anymore anywhere and that worried me, because I could see a couple miles ahead ( I learned later that the pace car started counting time when the first runner crossed the start line, and since I only crossed it after 4-5 minutes, I never really had a chance). I decided to not stop at hydration stations anymore to not waste time and drank my Nuun. Then a big intersection came, the first of eight that I had to cross by myself. Although there were 3-4 police officers there, they made no effort to help me and the other runners. They were rude. I thanked them anyway. We waited three minutes for a chance to cross. My time got worse again and I thought to myself I would run faster and try to catch up, but every time I was getting closer, another intersection came and I had to wait for the pedestrian light to come on to cross. It was getting exhausting. To try to make up for the lights, I'd run at a 10:30 pace sometimes, which was my speed work pace. I knew this was no bueno. Running on the sidewalk was challenging. There was lots of gravel (Arizona is all desert landscape with gravel everywhere) and clothing dropped off by other runners all throughout the race, since there were four different start lines in that race and it was cold in the start and hot later. I went back to the street to run on the bike lane, but was quickly reminded by a cop, "go back to the sidewalk, you're no longer supported by the marathon." I heard that same phrase three other times, which tells me those officers were trained to say that. I cried.

Mile nine came and it was a breath of fresh air. There was a cheer and hydration station with the sweetest volunteers, I got lots of high-fives, smiles and I loved seeing about a mile of cheer signs. It was amazing!! Every orange cone on the street had a sign. That lifted my spirits. I was ready to fight again. But mile 10 came and it was the beginning of a very hard journey. I had to cross seven other intersections by myself, and I quickly ran out of my Nuun as there were no more hydration stations. I saw a car taking the cones out and one of the volunteers told me, "run faster!". Ouch, like I wasn't trying. I cried again.

I saw the half marathon time mats as they were tearing them apart. One of them was off already, but the other was still there. The guy taking them down told me it would still work. I crossed it and if my car was near it, I would probably have quit then. At around mile 15, I was very thirsty, but had no more to drink. I passed two places that looked like were hydration stations before I got there. I could tell by the cups, GU and eaten orange slices on the floor. I would have loved an orange slice and some water.

At mile 17-18 I was really ready to quit. I was feeling super dehydrated and didn't know what to do. I had been looking for a gas station or anywhere I could buy some water since mile 15, but nothing to be found. I said a prayer and asked God to please help me keep going, but if something didn't come up soon, I was going to call an Uber to take me back to my car and call it quits. I thought about all the people tracking me online and my family and I knew they were praying and cheering for me from afar. I didn't want to have my kids think of me as a quitter either. I found strength to keep going. For the first time I noticed the beautiful citrus orchards on my right. I passed two of them. I would not have noticed them if I was running on the street. The orange trees were filled and many ripe oranges were on the ground ready to be picked!! It was like a gift from God. I decided not to get one though. It would take too much time to peel it and I didn't have time. But I knew it was a symbol that God loved me and that was a comfort. At mile 18 something, I saw a place called the Soda Shop. Halleluiah!! I ran in there and waited for the only girl in the shop to finish helping a customer in the drive-thru area. She saw my teary-eyed face and told me she would help me for free. Another girl came in and both filled my Camelbak with the coldest most delicious water I've ever tasted. They were so compassionate and sweet!! I wanted to pay, but they didn't take my money.

Left the store and came to another big intersection. Saw Larry, an elderly runner that I had met a couple miles earlier. He too was struggling, especially by the cops comments. After crossing the intersection, it was confusing on where to go. I ran straight following a couple runners, hoping it was the right way. Then I came to a "T"intersection that still had orange cones, but they were both going to the right and the left. I think this was around mile 21, not sure. I asked the cop standing there where I should go if I was running the full marathon (there was a 5K and a 10K starting in different places that day). He pointed to the left, so I went that way. When I got down that street, there were a lot more runners all of a sudden. Kept running with them and to my surprise, I saw a hydration station. People were cheerful and saying I was doing a good job. What? That was nice. Then at one point, a lady cop said, "you're doing great! You're almost there! Only 1.2 miles to go!" That was the first time I realized I must have taken a wrong turn because my watch said I had four miles left or something like that. The officer at the "T" intersection told me to go the wrong way!! That was his only job!! Grrrrr.  I was super confused on what to do. I decided to keep running until I got close to the finish line to check how much I had to make up, because when there were still mile markers left for me to see in the first half of the race, my watch said I was half a mile ahead of all of them, probably from running on the sidewalk. So I ran until the 26 mile marker and at that spot, my watch said 23.49 miles and the time was around 5:46. I'm a very honest person and I'd not finish that race knowing I didn't do the whole distance. So I turned around and ran for 1.25 miles the wrong way, some of it uphill before I turned back again. The other runners finishing the race were very confused looking at me go the wrong way and many asked me why.

When I went back to the mile 26 sign, this time my watch said 26, so my last 0.2 was so close!! I crossed the round about that was open for cars already and heard car honks cheering me on. The finish line was in sight.  They were tearing it apart, but the timing mats were still there and so was the clock. No photographers, no cheer, just Holly Rice, my best friend waiting for me after being done with her own marathon more than an hour before I finished mine. She had a medal for me and took my pictures, even though I was crying and didn't want any. I'm so glad she did, because I have a memory now that although I had a very disappointing race, I finished.

My official race time is 6:33:54. My Garmin watch's time is 6:34:00 for 26.3. My Garmin automatically uploads to Strava, but my time in Strava is only 6:25:54 for 26.2. I wonder if Strava's app took off the time I spent inside the Soda Shop.

So here's my story. I was sad about the race when I finished it. But I realize I was focusing on all that went wrong. Now I just feel proud I finished it. My legs were strong, my mind even stronger. I'm healthy and able to run. I received more cheering than criticism, I had breathtaking views of the desert, moon, stars and sunrise. My friend was there for me. I only have to be grateful. I'll keep running because I love it, but this was my last marathon, at least until my kids are all grown.

Father's Day - Part II

Besides my awesome dad, there's another wonderful father I know. Someone who is very caring and that plays with our kids like he's still one of them. Someone that makes our family really happy and that gives his all for us... guess who?

Brazil, 2007

Wymount Terrace Apts. BYU 2003

Disneyland 2002

 

Watching TV with Michael at 2am, Wymount 2000



New Years Eve 2001 (Brazilian Ward in Utah)

Michael's First Birthday, February 2001

 

Chuck E Cheese (2010?)

Daddy Daughter Dance Night 2013

Disney 2010 (Holding Jack)

 Destin 2012

Crab Island, Destin, 2012

Training Raphael for Mutton' Bustin' (March 2013)